today was supposed to be our baby's birthday. our baby eve. unfortunately that wasn't the plan and she left this earth a little early. she was born on march 11, 2009 and it has been almost 3 months since that time. a lot has happened in those 3 months though - i've felt a whole spectrum of emotions, learned many humbling lessons, and experienced myriad trials and miracles.
at first i felt sort of numb, like my brain knew what was going on but my emotions hadn't quite caught up. then i was really sad. i mean really sad. i did a lot of crying and feeling sorry for myself. the crying helped; the feeling sorry for myself made things worse. i wondered why it happened and what the point of this was. i remember going to the temple in april (the first time after eve's birth) and my mind was swirling. i was just confused, wondering why and where my baby is, what she is doing, and who she is with. i had a million qustions and felt like they should all be answered.
after a while (once i realized that the whole world wasn't looking at me like i was going to break down any minute) things got easier and i didn't think about it as much. of course there are times when i remember and feel sad, but i don't think about it every minute of every day anymore. chris and i visited her grave on memorial day. i had never really considered that day a holiday until this year. it was touching to see so many people at the cemetary remembering those people who they love. the cemetary was beautiful that week with the multicolored chrysanthemums decorating all the graves. i should have taken a picture, but it looked something like this:
when we came to eve's grave, someone had put flowers on it. chris and i were really touched by that kind gesture. it was nice to know that someone else was thinking about her. thanks to whoever did that.
and today...the day she was supposed to come meet chris and i. well, i feel a little sad but mostly i feel ok. i still have questions that i would like answered but i'm ok with not knowing. life continues to go on and life continues to be good. i feel like chris and i live a very blessed life and am grateful for the opportunities we have been given. as job said, "the Lord gave and the Lord hath taken away. blessed be the name of the Lord."
7 comments:
I love you Sarah.
Thanks for sharing that Sarah. I think your strength and testimony are beautiful, as are you as a person. As members we are so very very blessed to have a knowledge of the Plan of Salvation. How bleak would life be if we did not have that knowledge to guide us an help us through all of our trials.
**HUGS**
Love Sami
I loved this post. Thanks for writing it.
By the way, this is Ben Dahlberg from Kingwood. I just figured my blogger name might be a little confusing.
You are amazing! Wow! I miss you! Love you!
We will all have questions we both want and don't want answered. I know I have plenty of my own. Someday, you will know why it was needful that you experience this.
I admire your strength and your faith. I was genuinely saddened when I heard about Eve. I know that you and Chris will be blessed for enduring well.
You have always been an example to me of faith and of hope.
I do love you, even though it has been forever since I've seen you.
We love you guys.
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